Tired... really

After today's first meeting with my committee, I really have doubts over my organization, leadership abilities. I feel like such a loser. It's not even the start of the new year and I'm starting to doubt myself. I don't want my comm to be aimless, yet the one who is aimless is me, the chairperson. I'm feeling so negative about it but I have to put on a smiley face to all of them, because for the past years, that's me to them. But, now, I'm no longer the happy go lucky, confident, capable person I once was. I'm someone who is pessimistic, easily depressed. Yet, I am putting on a mask to all to tell all that I'm alright. I'm getting tired of this mask, I want to be sad, to be weak. I want people to understand I'm in need of support. But the mask prevents me. The mask makes people come to me for support, makes people trust me with their troubles.

Can I reject them?
Can I tear off my mask?
Can I be back to normal?